A world full of mad people?

I keep thinking of the Mad Tea Party in Alice in Wonderland... Alice is intrigued to meet these people at their endless tea-party. They ask her a riddle, and when she asks it back, they fear that she is mad herself. She leaves them to this world, pouring endless tea, dreaming endless dreams. They are the mad ones no one talks about, not even in Wonderland. Maybe these are the drunks at the bar... or the lost at the opium den. To Lewis Carroll and the nightmares of Alice Liddell, these are the demons of the civilized world... the Mad Ones.

Maxim's "95 Things To Do This Summer"

I wrote about half, so check em out in the July issue, out now!
(no byline, but that's because they're encouraging my secret undercover identity)

My favorites I did that amazingly made it in:

Aug 14 - If you're old, make today the day you don't die!
Aug 11 - Ride a whale and teach it to shun man.
Sept 7 - Make today Immigrant Labor Day and honor your hard-working green-carded friends by underpaying them.
July 11 - Outsource all your annoying friendships to India.

To read the rest, go buy the magazine, cheapskate!
Or use this link.

How Much Do You Know About Dolphin Sex?

This should help.

WARNING: You will be disgusted and horrified. Don't worry, no pics - it's just a memoir!

Get Ready... for the Wallet Phone

It's in Japan, which means it's coming over here:

The Wallet Phone!

Of course, this will really make it suck when you lose your phone.

Whoa...This Name Is Shitty!

Who named this unfortunate woman? And more importantly, who hasn't been telling her to change that name in America?

It's like having crapped pants at work, and nobody tells you to go fix that up.

:(
(courtesy of Dean Cameron and Padraic Duffy)

What Can You Outrun?

Bees? A slingshot? What about a crossbow?
A list of the speed of things.
Good for when you're writing a screenplay...or living a videogame life.

Yay! The Lakers are Dead!

Thank you, Pistons, for finally taking the wrecking ball to the "Dream Team" of La-La Land.

After sticking it forcefully up Kobe, Shaq and "I am Satan or Colonel Sanders, I can't figure out which" Jackson, there will be a complete dismantling for the former Minneapolis Lakers. Seems like good punishment for beating the T-Wolves.

Kobe, if he goes to the Clippers or the Knicks (or even the Grizzlies), will become my new favorite NBA player.

As for Shaq - learn accuracy.

Malone and Payton - you losers brought the curse on.

OK, I'm sorry, Lakers fans. But you bought a threepeat. That's enough.

An Earthquake Today

I was in my closet sorting clothes and talking to my girlfriend when everything started shaking like I was in a boat someone was rocking. I screamed, and tried to find something to hold onto. I was on the fourth floor of an apartment building. Things threatened to fall off the walls and shelves, then the quake stopped.

I had been in one quake before - in 1999 in Los Angeles, at the end of a midnight screening of Fight Club. The theater started rolling right as Ed Norton was blowing up the skyscrapers in Studio City. Strange synchronicity.

What Happened Today in Other Dimensions?

The best blog ever:

Today in Alternate History.

What happened today, in other parallel universes throughout their histories.

:)