Spam Friends

Dickson B. Morpheus
Lamed I. Mythologist
Hideousness H. Hooping
Osborne H. Tucker
Stockrooms K. Watt
Waterside U. Rug
Conjectured H. Blurry

Looking for fun?

FRAME K. AMELIORATION is your guy! Born in Honduras in 1975, FRAME K. AMELIORATION has been the ambassador of good will to those with chronic illnesses for over 17 years. After receiving his degree in social sciences from Harvard, FRAME. K. AMELIORATION was an adjunct professor at William & Mary College during the Clinton years, earning the James First Honorary Tenure Association Nomination for prolonged service to a student group in the name of bettering unified discourse. He lives in Depot Station, Delaware, happily raising two children and a dog named Spoon.

Who's Today's Spam Visitor?

Pompadour J. Depressingly
Does not like visitors
His hair gets all in a twist
And he tends to yell.
If you coddle him
And indulge his tempers,
Pompadour will make a foul little pout
That he thinks is a smile
And start to blow-dry his locks
Until they take the shape of a Cadillac grill.
Ask Pompadour what his middle name is,
And in a dark impatient moment late at night,
He might lean over and whisper,
"Jurisdiction."

I stayed in a poker game

And they beat me. I let myself stay in too late, and listened to what they suggested, and let the minutes slip by way past what I had originally intended, and watched my money slip away, dollar by dollar, watched as my winnings dropped stack by stack, chips receding into themselves, and watched their smiles grow and grow as I threw in chip after frustrated chip. My edge had gone, my smile had gone, I was grinding my teeth, trying not to show my impatience. I said to them, "this is has been precipitous." And they laughed, wanting to know, what the hell did precipitous mean? And I realized I had truly fallen. I left late, waited for a train, rode home having lost how much I don't know, I had only lost 40 dollars, but the amount I was up before I went down, how many stacks...the other guy walked with 110 dollars. I had at least that much...but they called the time to leave, and I obeyed, out of what? Courtesy, chivalry, idiocy, not being tough enough, not being the chip leader and chopping their fucking heads off. I felt it when I was up...the respect, the fear, the ability to lead off on anything and throw their frustration back in their face.

In the end, it was a game. But I learned that when you have the heel to someone's face, don't pull back. Press down, and punch their nose in, and be prepared to kill, I guess. Because when you go that far, and you don't finish them off completely, they'll swear revenge on you. And they will fulfill it. Sooner or later.

Today's Spam Name

Cleveland K. Henry.
Now, that's a good one.

Cherry Blossoms

We saw the Cherry Blossom Festival in Newark yesterday. 2700 cherry blossoming trees were apparently in full pink-and-white flowering frenzy throughout the long, thin park in the middle of the sunny ghetto. We gathered at 2:30, got there at 3:40, ate some carnival-style food, and sat on the grass and watched COBU, a modern Japanese dance troupe my friend knows, perform a series of percussive traditional-fused-with-tap-dance numbers. The weather was really warm, and after a fruitless search for a bathroom that ended in abysmally abused port-o-potties near the Visitor's Center, we settled under a cool mossy patch of ground under a half-blooming cherry tree along the path. We watched the crowds, marveled at the number of Newark police that had been dispatched (including the sheriff) to ensure recreational justice, and finally decided it was time to go home to our Manhattan isle.

My friend Daron's new Japanese wife, Hana, is waylaid in Japan for the next two months getting processed so she can return to the States for good. In the meantime, he's been left alone to wander in cherry-blossom festivals and host banjo-playing Japanese dance troupes in his apartment on the weekends. So, we joined him for yakitori at Oh! Taisho restaurant on St. Marks, which happens to also serve the best potato salad in the city. I had some type of "calipori" drink, which was bright lime flavored and had the caffeinated aftereffect of a line of cocaine.

Spring has arrived-- and soon it will be summer! Until then, I must catch up on Deadwood.