Fridays are for beer
Lots and lots and lots of beer
Not for stupid work
I ate Chinese food
Instead of getting work done
Now my rear still burns
Matt wrestles farm folk
I tickle my PSP
Hobbies are super
Friday, July 08, 2005
Feeling Bloggy
I'm in the mood for a little blogging this morning, so come along with me.
I had a dream last night that my girlfriend was testing an electric scooter shaped like a Big Wheels from Tyco. She couldn't ride it well, however, because she was pregnant. I needed her to test the scooter for a section in my magazine. And then, I discovered that she was seeing someone else...
Thankfully, it was all a dream. I am in reality married to a Siberian dog-trainer, and living quite comfortably in the third-largest government-built tower in Ghuanzhou.
Some completely fake facts for you:
-Ketchup is made from rice.
-90% of all Americans have small dinosaurs living in them.
-Allentown, PA was the site of the second signing of the National Concord, a competitor to the Declaration of Independence that was unfortunately lost in a poker game near Delaware.
-Dogs speak French.
-Liquid crystal works by the magnetic alignment of the poles; the more the temperature rises, the richer the colors on your flat-screen. Try putting on air-conditioning and watch the colors fade.
-Six ounces of beef has more Vitamin A than 8 pounds of carrots.
-The word "fuck" originally derived from "fall on a duck," which was a vaudevillian term for when a magician lost all his props.
-Peking Duck is not from Peking, nor is it actually duck.
-Human hairs grow on in any area that supports hair follicles: flesh, mud, or rivers.
-The human eye has over 1 million electrical transistors.
-Jennifer Lopez ate your sister's umbilical cord.
-The United States Post Office is run by the same parent company as Target and Chick-Fil-A.
-The 30th president of the United States was Herbert L. Smith.
-The capital of Arkansas is Elvira.
-Europe is made of bark.
-Chocolate kills grandmothers.
-The World Wide Web is actually fake- a simulation of information that appears to work amazingly realistically.
-The planet Uranus doesn't exist.
I had a dream last night that my girlfriend was testing an electric scooter shaped like a Big Wheels from Tyco. She couldn't ride it well, however, because she was pregnant. I needed her to test the scooter for a section in my magazine. And then, I discovered that she was seeing someone else...
Thankfully, it was all a dream. I am in reality married to a Siberian dog-trainer, and living quite comfortably in the third-largest government-built tower in Ghuanzhou.
Some completely fake facts for you:
-Ketchup is made from rice.
-90% of all Americans have small dinosaurs living in them.
-Allentown, PA was the site of the second signing of the National Concord, a competitor to the Declaration of Independence that was unfortunately lost in a poker game near Delaware.
-Dogs speak French.
-Liquid crystal works by the magnetic alignment of the poles; the more the temperature rises, the richer the colors on your flat-screen. Try putting on air-conditioning and watch the colors fade.
-Six ounces of beef has more Vitamin A than 8 pounds of carrots.
-The word "fuck" originally derived from "fall on a duck," which was a vaudevillian term for when a magician lost all his props.
-Peking Duck is not from Peking, nor is it actually duck.
-Human hairs grow on in any area that supports hair follicles: flesh, mud, or rivers.
-The human eye has over 1 million electrical transistors.
-Jennifer Lopez ate your sister's umbilical cord.
-The United States Post Office is run by the same parent company as Target and Chick-Fil-A.
-The 30th president of the United States was Herbert L. Smith.
-The capital of Arkansas is Elvira.
-Europe is made of bark.
-Chocolate kills grandmothers.
-The World Wide Web is actually fake- a simulation of information that appears to work amazingly realistically.
-The planet Uranus doesn't exist.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Live 8 Live
This past weekend, I attended the Live 8 concert (Philly iteration) as a guest of Nokia's. They offered me two VIP passes, and accomodations in Loew's Hotel near downtown. I went, of course.
The unexpected part was the one million people crowded into a concrete column walkway that Joanna and I had to push our way through in order to make it to our "VIP" seats, invisible behind walls of The Public.
Even information assistants turned us away, saying that the solid flanks of dense human life ahead were impenetrable, and shouldn't even be approached. We said damn them, and shoved on...over and under the free-standing masses, until we reached the EMS tent at the center, the last bastion before the yards of steel barricades that separated us from our seats.
And we were refused entrance.
Eventually, two hours later, we made it in and found rows of unused seats. We sat and baked in the sun, watching Jay-Z and Stevie Wonder. And I wondered, as I entered my name into the text-message petition that threw my name up on the ticker-tape along with all the others, if 9 out of 10 people even understood what this concert was for.
At the end, we walked home exhausted through the aftermath of the throngs, on streets closed to cars and cast wide open to collect the trash of the filled.
Overall, a good experience. And we saw Al Sharpton in the Philly cheese-steak tent, so that's something.
The unexpected part was the one million people crowded into a concrete column walkway that Joanna and I had to push our way through in order to make it to our "VIP" seats, invisible behind walls of The Public.
Even information assistants turned us away, saying that the solid flanks of dense human life ahead were impenetrable, and shouldn't even be approached. We said damn them, and shoved on...over and under the free-standing masses, until we reached the EMS tent at the center, the last bastion before the yards of steel barricades that separated us from our seats.
And we were refused entrance.
Eventually, two hours later, we made it in and found rows of unused seats. We sat and baked in the sun, watching Jay-Z and Stevie Wonder. And I wondered, as I entered my name into the text-message petition that threw my name up on the ticker-tape along with all the others, if 9 out of 10 people even understood what this concert was for.
At the end, we walked home exhausted through the aftermath of the throngs, on streets closed to cars and cast wide open to collect the trash of the filled.
Overall, a good experience. And we saw Al Sharpton in the Philly cheese-steak tent, so that's something.
Monday, July 04, 2005
4th Haiku
The rockets' red glare
And the bombs bursting in air
On our patio
Pinwheels spitting fire
Crazy dandruff in the sky
Bite the big hot dog
Put up the proud flag
Clown red, sea blue, bleached-blonde white
Fire up a cracker
And the bombs bursting in air
On our patio
Pinwheels spitting fire
Crazy dandruff in the sky
Bite the big hot dog
Put up the proud flag
Clown red, sea blue, bleached-blonde white
Fire up a cracker
iTunes 4.9: Podcasting and Bugs
Is it just me who has discovered that, while iTunes 4.9 has a really cool Podcasting subscription feature, it also disables smart playlists from altering themselves in-iPod?
Previously, I had a "not rated yet" smartlist that had all songs I hadn't rated. I would then rate them as I listened to them, and by doing so they'd remove themselves from the playlist. This way, every time I opened "not rated yet," I was sure to get some new tunes.
Now, these rated songs don't leave the smartlist until after I've re-synced with the Mother Mac. Don't ask me why.
I hope this gets addressed in a minor update.
Also, I am alive: I realize this is the first post in a month.
Previously, I had a "not rated yet" smartlist that had all songs I hadn't rated. I would then rate them as I listened to them, and by doing so they'd remove themselves from the playlist. This way, every time I opened "not rated yet," I was sure to get some new tunes.
Now, these rated songs don't leave the smartlist until after I've re-synced with the Mother Mac. Don't ask me why.
I hope this gets addressed in a minor update.
Also, I am alive: I realize this is the first post in a month.