Feeling Bloggy

I'm in the mood for a little blogging this morning, so come along with me.

I had a dream last night that my girlfriend was testing an electric scooter shaped like a Big Wheels from Tyco. She couldn't ride it well, however, because she was pregnant. I needed her to test the scooter for a section in my magazine. And then, I discovered that she was seeing someone else...

Thankfully, it was all a dream. I am in reality married to a Siberian dog-trainer, and living quite comfortably in the third-largest government-built tower in Ghuanzhou.

Some completely fake facts for you:

-Ketchup is made from rice.
-90% of all Americans have small dinosaurs living in them.
-Allentown, PA was the site of the second signing of the National Concord, a competitor to the Declaration of Independence that was unfortunately lost in a poker game near Delaware.
-Dogs speak French.
-Liquid crystal works by the magnetic alignment of the poles; the more the temperature rises, the richer the colors on your flat-screen. Try putting on air-conditioning and watch the colors fade.
-Six ounces of beef has more Vitamin A than 8 pounds of carrots.
-The word "fuck" originally derived from "fall on a duck," which was a vaudevillian term for when a magician lost all his props.
-Peking Duck is not from Peking, nor is it actually duck.
-Human hairs grow on in any area that supports hair follicles: flesh, mud, or rivers.
-The human eye has over 1 million electrical transistors.
-Jennifer Lopez ate your sister's umbilical cord.
-The United States Post Office is run by the same parent company as Target and Chick-Fil-A.
-The 30th president of the United States was Herbert L. Smith.
-The capital of Arkansas is Elvira.
-Europe is made of bark.
-Chocolate kills grandmothers.
-The World Wide Web is actually fake- a simulation of information that appears to work amazingly realistically.
-The planet Uranus doesn't exist.